I refuse to keep up. I refuse to give into the challenges that my shadow keeps imposing on me. That lurking shadow that's been there since I recall ever seeing light. In the bible, it says, then God said let there be light. I often wonder if shadow has always been an accessory to light or whether if was made by Satan right after he got damned out of heaven and was destined to haunt every living man. Whether all those shadows out there lurking are actually children of evil waiting for the moment when you're as low as it gets.

It became my addiction and became my curse, I try to ignore it and seek a better life for myself, but it always tends to lurk there smiling my smiles, riding my rides, raping my loved ones, and living my life. No matter how fast I run it's always there. It catches up, setting new benchmarks for me to cross. I am tired of this chase. I need the rest. I need to stand in the middle of day knowing that if I look back you won't be there lurking, waiting for my next move. It isn't a game, my dark lurking friend. I beg you to pick up your chess pieces and move on. I'll bid you well then. You're still there, I can feel your breath on the back of my neck. I can hear your heart beats speeding up, trying to match mine. I look back to see you standing, taller than I am. But now that you're taller I refuse to give up. I refuse to let you enjoy this height and glory. I move closer and closer to you, and with every step my height catches up with yours. Or is it yours that catches up with mine? I'm not sure anymore. You have always been my dilemma. My confusion. My soul mate. My only proof that light does exist. That little brother aspiring to achieve his older brother's greatness. The same old fucking cliché.

I give up.

I try to deny its existence by turning out the light and hiding in the dark. But then suddenly, the light's turned on and I'm hanging, strangled in the middle of the room by a wire from the ceiling, and at the end of the wire there's a light bulb, dangling over my head, now reflecting my friend on the floor beneath my swinging restless body.

Posted by Яαgιи Яαvєи on Monday, May 29, 2006 at 5/29/2006 01:12:00 AM | Permalink