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    Яαgιи Яαvєи
    Cairo, Egypt
    Wanting people to listen, you can't just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you'll notice you've got their strict attention.
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Tapping at my chamber door




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Totally vivid. Totally fucked up.

Everything is a cliché of something. We're all copies of something that we thought was cool when we were 15, when we were young, strong, and stupid.

It's when you grow older and when your doubts paint a blur in your eyes and another in your heart; when all that you can see and feel is indistinctive fog.

True love doesn't exist. Selflessness is a lie. Don't get me started on soul mates!!

Life is a cruel joke.

Six years pass and you still can't find a better match. The only change that ever happened is a hair that lost its color. That's what happens when you find true love; when you use it as a benchmark for you to measure people. You're lying to yourself, giving it a name, calling it perfect. Define perfection. It's one of those things that people lie about to make themselves feel better about themselves or about others. It's one of those traits that we, proud ruling creatures, can't be rid of; our ability to categorize everything, percentile, overrate, underrate… O we love to judge. Six years of solitude, waiting for someone to stand a chance at kicking her off the chart, out of your mind… Oh you've wasted so much time and chose to overlook so many chances.

Was it even worth it?

Love is a word that we've swallowed on in so many ways. Movies and pop songs have ruined the way that love can be expressed. 'I love you' don't mean shit. Call me a cynic, but it's so damn true. We do, however, choose to ignore it. The truth is the only love that is genuine and unique is the love for a parent. It only comes once. Children don't count. Children are toys that we bring into our lives when we start to get a bit bored. We choose to love them when they smile and hate them when they break something precious. That, my friend, is the absolute truth.

Get a fucking dog.

Unlike the other human emotions of hate, revenge, shame, and guilt; love is a whole that is composed of respect, appreciation, admiration, glorification, and my personal favorite: delusion. Mix those things, throw them into another person's hovering shadow, and you've got yourself that lovey dovey aroma all over your life. Unfortunately, this is how love is found. If only it was as individual as guilt.

Shame and guilt, these are self-inflicted. Revenge is based on self-gratification. However, it requires the presence of another person or a group of persons to hate, which brings us to hate. Hate is the only emotion that, same as love, can only be delivered by adding a person other than yourself to the equation. I have hated so many things.

You can't categorize love. You can't set up a profile for your Mr. and Ms. Right. It just happens, same as shit.


Six years!

You tell yourself that you should have passed and moved on, that what if it never happened, what if she ain't that perfect, what the fuck are you waiting for?

But you still do wait, gladly.

Add a few sacrifice drops to the love formula that you're stuck for good. You're willing to go the distance, but you're just horrified. What if it didn't work? What if she wasn't really all that?

I still strenuously believe that the notion of true love ain't real, that people do move on. However, find someone who makes you happy, laughs at your jokes, shares your hopes, respects your foolishness, and wouldn't mind spending the rest of their life with you, give all of those up, and live your life trying to make them happy. Cost ain't relevant. You know that you'll love them and their children for the rest of your life.

Love doesn't come easy. You choose to try to make a good life for them, a life that they deserve. You challenge complications.

She's messed up. You are too. You tell yourself that maybe the reason you're scared is the fact that it's just too good to be true, that love ain't real. You've already told yourself so many stupid things.

You just don't know anymore.

You're waiting for a hint. You've never believed you'd need reassurance, but now you so fucking do.

The questions still stand tall and mighty: How clear can it get? Is this even love? Is she the one? Are you her one? If you die would she still raise your children the same way you'd have wanted to have them raised? Do you trust her? Does she trust you? Are you still waiting for a sign?

It's a yes or no question basically. You don't need to know more.

How could you be so mad at love when you want it so much??

It's actually quite the opposite. The kids are the ones who often forget about the parents and get busy with their own lives...not love them less, it just doesn't become a priority (assuming it was a priority to begin with). The kids own kids become a priority and thats the circle of life.

The parents will never lovw their kids less and they'll never grow out of that love. Thats why God has never reminded the parents to care but He has reminded the kids over and over again to 'be there' for their parents. Respect them and love them.

Was I not clear enough?

I guess not.

well if you're so angry at delusion, why are you delusional about something that happened six years ago to the point where you can't let it go?

you're contradicting yourself, maybe you need to discard all negative over analysis and just give it another go without scrutinizing emotions... for the sake of the love you miss so much.

N,
thank you! You've managed to notice a bit of contradiction in the entry. I thought the title would help a bit, but some people just don't give anything a chance to be fully realized.

I won't lie. I wrote this post with two contradicting beliefs in my head.

Hmm..

however..

to make a long and boring story short and quick..

this post was a waste of time.

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

the harsh realities of life that most of us (namely me)choose to ignore..

This post is an honest expression of how you feel. It's NOT a waste of time!
and so what if there's contradiction?! We're all full of em anyway.

Oh well,
Thank you :)

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