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    Яαgιи Яαvєи
    Cairo, Egypt
    Wanting people to listen, you can't just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you'll notice you've got their strict attention.
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Tapping at my chamber door

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Substitute Something

The definition of the word substitute is the condition of being second favorite.

People are divided into two basic groups, first choices and substitutes. Subs are often settled for; not sought, but settled for, and once they've experienced it once, they spend the rest of their lives swallowing that feeling just in order to breathe and move on. Subs probably experience that kind of feeling in their earliest of memories, family picture memories. They become a substitute for a brother who's managed to gain a little more appreciation just by being born a couple years ahead of them, and as the years pass, they find it harder to have a meaningless small talk with a parent who does love them but not as much. They're not good enough to match a benchmark set by a brother who was there first. They can try and heighten, grow taller than that first choice of a brother, a son, but they still can't see them. They're still tinier than a fetus and shorter than grass. Savannas are lucky, they're tall, and as for unborn children, they go straight to heaven.

You go to school, ace them all, only to find that you're still not cool enough. You take up sports, but they wouldn't let you play. You practice a foreign language, you're fluent, but you're still not a native, not original. You… are… fake. You still are a substitute, one that prays for a player's injury just in order to walk in and mingle. Subs hate mingling. They just don't belong.

You grow up only to find that people do like you after all. You're not their number one, but they do seek you when their topnotch isn't available. You become their resort for time killing, for harmony of life. You're good enough to help them feel desired when ditched. They're your first choice. For the few minutes they spend talking to you, you feel special. You pray for a disaster that makes you stand tall above all.

You're Madrid when the Paris tickets are sold out. 75.5 million people arrive in France annually, as opposed to Spain with 48.2 million. Madrid that's just ain't good enough. You're silver when gold's already taken; you're tea when they run out of coffee. No, you're not British.

You're the last shoulder they seek to cry on. You fool yourself then… that you… are… special.

In a way, I guess, everyone ends up content.

This is a deep and ugly feeling that I’m sure most people have experienced but have chosen to bury along with the rest of their insecurities. What matters I guess is knowing that you do make a difference and that you are as unique as you think you are and that you do bring something new to the table, something that only *you* could bring.

Paris is just the city the screams the loudest but Madrid has its own flair that many appreciate but few prefer above all others.

i always felt like i wasn´t enough like i was an unwanted child even though i was there first they just cut me off when my sister was born. and even further on in life when i had friends and also my first boyfriend i always felt like a substitude, i never belonged nobody wanted ME. luckily i found one and only person that without doubt thinks i´m unique, special and i realise that everybody else were just faking it.

Well, been there, feels like shit to be there, of course the picture wasn't that dark cause it was not the case with all the people you know, it is the case with some... But well, the thing is it is always easier if you think you are great and unique and original, and that people are just blind....

well i guess you really shouldn't take it then. i mean we have the choice to walk away from the people and places who make us feel like that, and find our comfort zones, that wouldn't substitute us for the world. n'est pas?

Thank you all, however, do I look like I need therapy here? :P Umm.. I still insist that people are either born subs or first choices. I noticed that everyone who posted a comment here mentioned that they were all subs. Does that mean that everyone's a sub and there are no first choice? So what are we a sub of? Being dumped by a girlfriend doesn't mean that you're being a sub man. Subs go through life being all sub and dandy until the day they die...
yes.. that is a fact.. on my blog page it is.

I also don't think that a person can escape feeling so by walking away. Adaptation my friend. I'm pretty sure that first choice people are bored of the attention. :P

Just to be controversial i'll say I've spent all my life as a first: First child, first to do anything, first to have a boyfriend, first to dump the boyfriend, first to travel, first to get a degree. But seriously everyone feels like subs at some point. We are all insecure at some level and will always be subs to somebody and all be first to somebody else. fact.


no no.. I'm the only one to lay down fact here.. others can sit down in a circle, take notes, and learn :P

well that is the point that i was talking about dude... No one is always a sub and no one is always a first choice, it depends on where you are and who you deal with... However I state again you should decide to deem people weird and blind and always look up to look up to yourself as the best...

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