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    Яαgιи Яαvєи
    Cairo, Egypt
    Wanting people to listen, you can't just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you'll notice you've got their strict attention.
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Tapping at my chamber door

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I was a celebrity, that night in Europe, when I was five

It's 2006 and I'm young enough to explore the world. It's one of the things I wish I could do before I lock myself up amidst the M word and "settle down". My first plan is to cruise through Europe… I did once with my family, I was five then I think... and here's what I remember…


My parents tell me that it looks a lot like Egypt, but that was like in the 80s. I don't think it'd be the same since they're trying so hard to belong to Europe and shit. Well, before we landed there, a friend of my father's who's the son of the president of the UAE, called the Turkish council and told them that some sort of ambassador from the UAE is going to visit. He gave them the flight number and everything. And before we know it they were there waiting for us at the airport. We had the red carpet routine, the Emirates national anthem, even though we're Egyptians, the maid was from Srilanka I think... everything. I loved feeling important, even though I was only four back then. I guess it's something you're born with.

The next thing I know is that we got invited to a big dinner. Even the fucking maid had her own table. They cooked for us, danced for us. We were celebrities that night in Turkey. The next day they sent a tour guide along with us, he drove us around for a while, and he invited us to his house for dinner with his family. Great culture, great people. They lived on top of some hill, as I barely recall. The next thing I remember is that I walked into a room and locked myself in. I was too young to realize how stupid that act of… err… stupidity was. My mother kept crying. They tried unlocking the door, but alas… I owned the moment. They would have jumped through the window if only there had been a small piece of land in front of it. The window overlooked some ocean or something and there was no way anybody would have gone through except through that door that I had locked myself. Eventually, like a negotiator talking out a hostage situation, they talked me into rotating the key and I was free again. The Turkish family felt bad and they kept apologizing to my parents all day, even though it wasn't their fault. They didn't raise me, my parents did. :D

Oh well, that's all I remember about Turkey.


I can't personally remember anything about Greece, except that my parents were used to booking rooms in motels or hotels after we'd land in the country. They wouldn't make any reservations before leaving home. I guess they didn't have the Internet back then. Anyways, they booked two rooms in a motel which, apparently so we've learned; that that motel was one of those places where men would take their mistresses or hookers to screw before returning home to their wives. My father tells me how the receptionist was so delighted about our stay in his shithole that he kept referring to us as "Good family, good family". I just hope he didn't think we were into family orgies or anything. I wish I was old enough to find us some place nicer to stay. I wish I was old enough to point at my family and laugh.

One more thing that I remember about Greece was the CROWDS, where my father was standing in the middle of, and then out of no where a little kid grabbed my father's walled. When my father grabbed him to take it back, suddenly, the entire crowd that apparently turned out to be one big tourist gang or something, started punching and kicking my father to let go of the kid. Hmmm... My parents tell me that we managed fine and that my father returned home… with his wallet, but I don't know why I think they'd be able to see a little disbelief in my eyes.


I think I was four when we went to France… and I can't remember anything about it. My father says that I spent the entire trip sleeping on his shoulder as he carried me. My father also tells me that all French women used to dig me and play with my cheeks or whatever every time they encounter the four year old sexy little boy that I was. I think this is also something you get born with.

And the answer to your question is NO. I don't remember the Eiffel tower or the Seine River. I don't wish I'd remember any of that. I only wish I had been old enough to experience the French chick movement against my cheek.


I can't remember anything either, but I do remember that chicks dug me there too. Hmmm… Dug? Digged? Whatever man, I was da bomb.

Oh and I also remember their Prater… you know the one with the big wheel. Even though I never got on that. I think I was too young and too scared of heights or something. The whole Prater thing was excellent. They had those little statue like things that looked so fucking cool. Hats off to the Austrians!

Oh and I just remembered that we were on one of those… err… trains? And I was sitting there staring through the window when the train got hit by a bus. My father hurt his hand during. I remember looking at it as it came closer and closer. I remember I kept referring to it as the great encounter between Tarzan and Superman. Silly, I know, but I was five, man, so go boil an egg and leave me alone.


I remember the bull fights, vaguely. I remember it was a very, very sunny day. My father bought me a hat that was colored in yellow and red and had all sorts of Spanish art sewn all over it. I loved that hat. I lost that hat. I was 10 then and I was on a school trip in the UAE, we went to pray, and there was a crucifix sewn on top so I took it off and put it next to me until I was done praying and all. When I was done praying to the Al Mighty God, I picked up my bag, and I walked away for like five seconds, and when I went back for my hat, it was gone.

Maybe God had something to do with it, since I'm not Christian and all. I dunno. I loved that hate and now some SOB has it. I wish it brings him baldness.


And by Yugoslavia I mean, Slovenia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Serbia-Montenegro, and the current Yugoslavia.

I remember the caves. One of them had an inside train that takes you through the whole thing. I've recently learned that it's in Slovenia. I remember I bought a clip-doll thingie in the form of that Alf character. Remember that? It was a big thing back in the 80s I think. But the one thing that I really really remember is Snoopy, a food cart in the middle of Zagreb where they sold French fries. I used to cry and nag about going there everyday until my parents would eventually take me there. It was a BLAST!! They probably regret ever going to Yugoslavia, but to me, Yugoslavia happened to be the one trip I would love forever. Everyday I'd go to Snoopy, order two fries and… well… feed one of them to the pigeons. I guess I've always had some heart huh. Maybe not for my parents, but pigeons seemed to deserve my sympathy… and my taste for fries.

That's all I can remember from my days in the beautiful European continent. Nope, I didn't go to
Italy or England. I'm definitely checking out Italy and the Netherlands when I commit to re-living the experience next year. Pizza, drugs, and girls- the perfect bachelor recipe. Too bad I don't own a scanner. I bet European girls would like to see how I looked like as a four year old. But don't worry ladies and… err… ladies, I'll be there in no time.

I hope.

pizza ,drugs and girls and sexy little boy coming to experiance all that again. amongst all things you'll be carrying in your back-pack there will be a lot of hope... you know to...

yes get the hat in colours of spain


Screw hope. unless it's a new brand of.. u know :-P

hope yes it's a new brand of hats, so...
well and if you had another you know... in mind well i think the hope would be the only right thing to name them...
you are hoping
man you are
don't deny
to possibilities

Umm.. no I don't think men would appreciate calling that thing we're talking about HOPE, cos that would be so unfair. lol

Umm.. anyways, my backpack will probably have locks, clothes, a swissknife, and a lot of underwear maybe, a notebook, pen... hmm.. and no.. I'm not planning on going to Europe to get laid, although I would definitely feel better if I had a lot of offers.. then I can return home and brag about being rejecting all offers.

Hmm.. yeah right :-P

well hope is the only right word...

and if getting laid comes with the touristic offer well why not?

yeah rejecting... well you're full of shit

and you will feel better when you come back from europe if you don't rejct, you'll feel light as a feather, like floathing.
men are all the same
don't denie this

No I refuse to take advantage of European chicks. I'll be the shoulder they can cry on. I'll be nice, sweet, friendly.. and NO i will not be gay.


and if you think that you're that bad to call this taking the advantage of them well then you shouldn't try to get layed, but if you aren't then you would be doing them a favour
and if you do so they will cry later out of sadness or happiness that is
that depends on the fact if you're doing them a favour or you are taking advantage of them

No i'm too nice to take advantage of anybody really. That's the main reason why I'm cruising Europe with no intention of doing it anywhere. I don't want them to feel bad after I leave them and return to where I come from..

Unless they all wanna come back with me... WOW.. don't get me ideas here.

yes you see...
you could have a lot of wifes, or if not some of themcould be your mades, mistresses, secretaries...
why not
if you don't wish for that then you really are gey

and why would they feel bad again they could have you for a night they should feel honored

Umm.. don't get me ideas. I already have on devil inside my head I don't need two.
and yes.. if they all wanna come back home with me, they'd be more than welcomed.

and I'm willing to pay for their plane tickets.

see twisted you again
i'm good at this
you would even pay them
no no no
you shouldn't
let them pay you

What am I a hooker now? Umm.. well, it's not a bad idea..

and yeah you're good at this. The only person I'd be paying is you, to be my manager.

So manage my trip and send me the results via email. PRONTO!!



yeah you want to fire me? AGAIN? We have already talked about it, you can't fire me. i quit.

well i got my hopes up when you said you would pay me but soon i saw what would you pay me for
and well hope has gone

huh... ok.. i won't pay you.. I'll just ask you to join me hooking up with Euro chicks!!

yeah you gettin all the action..
and me...
just peeking through the keyhole and listening and...
i guess i could sacrifise myself i could be a good friend like that

Sacrifice?? I thought I was women's last hope. I didn't know I was "sacrifice".

OUCH.. that should definitely ruin my european reputation.

The manager is always allowed to play too.

play hm
then i guess i don't quit

that is if you won't fire me

and you don't have any europen reputation

I was kinda hoping you'd help me out with that..

but then again.. I think I'd better do it myself.

and by IT i mean spreading the word that I'M IN TOWN GIRLS...

you do it on yourself, just do it, listen to nike

well and girls here don't like that i'm-all-that-bullshit

Well, I don't care.. just spread the word.

Nike Schmike.. I'll just be the four year old sexy little boy I once was :P

awww.. how cuuute..


but 4
that's too young
at least be 16 years old

No no.. When I was four, I was good as sixteen.

Those women trusted their instincts man. They must have felt something... they can't be all stupid :P

maybe but they didn't play with you, did they?

in the sandbox i mean

you were too young to play with women then i think, even too young for sand

I was adored... and that's all that matters. I just hope that they're organized and that they'd all stand in line.

tey aren't good with keeping the line
hope that it repeats after 21 yz

Well, it's something you're born with. I thought you already knew that, but I guess I was wrong :-P

well you can still lose it when you get older

I'm not seventy years old MAN..
My charms and whips are still good

we will see about that

So the sexy 4 years old, dude you should thank God you were young cause when you are this old you cannot make sure that the chicks will come running around but instead you will always remind parents to use video cameras in such events so that their kids will never lose confidence in the future and will always believe they have a chance...


So.. I have no idea what you're talking about, so I'll just have to sit quietly, smile, and nod.

yes you do that
cos' the man is telling you what i tried to tell you all along.
i guess you'll just have to come to europe and we will see if the charm is still there.

Thanks Sandy, you did say it in fewer words, I didn't wanna be that honest :-P

You didn't wanna be that honest? what are you talking about man? All that's been said was:
1. video camera
2. something about kids losing confidence
3. sandy said something about coming to europe to see if the charm's still there

so i don't mind you being honest there, emperor. I just mind having you here being vague in an attempt to sound funny.

Was that another inside joke? if it was then i'm sorry i missed it.

no, no inside joke, you didn't miss anything
maybe you should read through all the comments and then you'll see why all of them make sense
but is cool you have the selfconfidence, i just hope you won't get dissappointed

Well, I won't get disappointed.. maybe in Europe.. but other than that.. everything's way cool.

Umm.. and well, I think it's about time we dropped this issue, at least in public. I wouldn't wanna put age limits on this blog page you know :-P

yes i see
yes we should drop it
meaybe you should write sth new so we will comment there and that would keep us from butchering this post

did you block me again?
for not showing up?
cos' i have
we just had to miss each other
it's vegas baby
it's big

Well, butcher all you want. I'm in the mood to hear what everyone has to say about my sex appeal :-P

envy is a horrible sin.

you can have it (whatever you have)as much as you want i don't envy you...

about butchering part...
hm i guess i'll have to do it some more since there is still nothing to read.

This reads as i don't envy you.. but what i feel it means is 'i feel sorry for you' :-P

Well, this whole thing started as a joke.. then you guys made it look as if I'm a sex psycho or something.

Whatever.. Lets just stop posting here.. cos it went waaay off line.

stop posting
sorry, i tend to go waaaaaaaaay off line
and i don't feel sorry for you

well, hope's a whore, but here's something you should know. There is no "current Yugoslavia". Yugoslavia no longer exists. Now you have Slovenia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Croatia, Serbia and Montenegro (btw, they are now two different states). This is just a little heads up so that you know which country you're visiting. I recomend island Hvar. It's great for bachelors. Trust me.

Yeah I know they split up, and I know about Serbia and Montenegro too. I think that's why I referred to it as Yugoslavia then I explained how I've been to Slovenia, Bosnia, Serbia, and Zaghreb. Of course I was five so I can't remember the city names or anything.
Island Hvar huh? I must have that written down here.. but then again if it's a bachelor island then its probably filled with a lot of horny men... and probably no women at all. So unless I see a live feed from the island, I think I'll pass.

Well,according to Forbes, Hvar is one of the sexiest islands. It's third on the list, as the matter of fact. And believe me, there are plenty of women just waiting for you. Go for it1

Hmm.. suddenly, I'm starting to worry about that place. It has nothing to do with the film Hostel now does it?

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