If I ever hired an accountant and asked him to sketch me a balance sheet of mySelf, I imagine that my liabilities side to be too heavy for me to try and balance out, too heavy that even the words wouldn't read horizontally. It would probably be listed with items such as pain, anguish, dreams that stayed there just to torture me. All the unbearable shit stored... just.. for.. me. Toys'R'Us for adults is more like it. My asset side would probably include only a few of my real possessions. My cash and car, my worthless and pointless blogs, my DVDs, and poetry that I've written sometime in the middle years of the teenage era, and friends who came along the years and at some point couldn't take it anymore and decided to leave me there to carry all these unbearable liabilities by myself.

I woke up today, June 28, 2006, and I wore my glasses for the first time. The vertical world I've been complaining about isn't vertical anymore. It all makes sense now… at least to me. It's at such times, when you declare absolute bankruptcy, that's when you realize that someone out there saved you some for a rainy day.

I went reminiscing… and I remembered…

I remembered the Saving Private Ryan burnt out CD and the Jumbo Jet game we never got to finish. I remembered the Tom and Basal day and I remembered the days we went Dreaming. I remembered my phone calls to your angry Xs. I remembered the proposal auditions and the non-existent picture of the naked maid, our forever imaginary friend. I remembered the plans we had of becoming movie stars, professional writers, serious boring accountants, and internet geeks. I remembered my emule failures and how you'd at least try and back me up by finding resources over torrent files. I remembered our fuckups… and I remembered our laughs. My moments of clarity, when everything seemed alright, when I thought that life couldn't get any better.

I remember my room filled with smoke… when my mom couldn't see us. We were invisible friends, brother. I believe we still are and would probably remain so forever.

The smoke's cleared out now. I can't see you anymore. I miss having you here.

Happy birthday

Posted by Яαgιи Яαvєи on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 at 6/28/2006 07:05:00 PM | Permalink